Tuesday, December 12, 2017

My First and Only Experience with Canes

Seven years ago, I was in the first couple months of my first bdsm relationship, my first relationship, period, actually. I'd been on Fetlife for a bit longer, but I was still new. I was in the BDSM on a Budget group, and ran across the $1 toy thread. One of the things mentioned was a plastic candy cane yard decoration. you can still find them today. I got mine at Walmart, but I see them most often at Dollar Trees.

It's about 3 feet (~1 meter) long and made of multicolored braided plastic. I had never played with canes, and my experience with most toys was limited, but I was eager to try out new things and I was still in the NRE phase of my relationship.

My dom at the time did that annoying thing of counting up numbers of strokes (that typically went undelivered), usually adding to the number for ridiculous reasons. We got a chance to be alone at my house a few days after Christmas. We had initially planned a day of kinky fuckery, but the night before where he camped out on my couch, I was so sick from some bad meat I'd had at lunch, I didn't get any sleep.

I mentioned being ill when we got up, but he wasn't having any of it. I don't remember exactly what we did before, but I think we showered together. He had decided that he was finally going to make good on at least part of his persistent threat of punishment.

He decided that he was going to use the cane I'd just bought. I believe he had mentioned it previously and I had implored that he not go too hard because it was a new toy, and I was still skittish from a previous punishment where he'd used a spike-studded leather belt. He said he would go a little easy.

He did not. I couldn't think much through the pain, but I think I managed to count 36 blows, 30 with the cane, 6 rather hard swats with his hand. I knew I'd started bawling only a few lashes in, maybe from the very first, probably from the shock of it. I remember trying to stand up at some point because I couldn't take it, and he popped me on the back with it to make me go back down.

He then decided a bit of dry anal was in order, and I think that was almost as unpleasant as the caning. At some point, he pulled me up and gave me a choice between continuing with that or sucking him off and swallowing. Under normal circumstances, I'd have never consented to ass to mouth, but at that point, I was so stressed by the whole experience and I really, really didn't want him to put it back in my ass, so I agreed to the alternative.

I knew how this was going to go, however, so I convinced him to move to the bathroom where I tried to do what he wanted. And, of course, the acrid taste and the slimy texture of his semen, combined with the stress and the fact that I was sick, I, of course, immediately threw up into the toilet I was kneeling beside.

That was my first and only experience with a cane. I've not been really up to trying it again in the intervening years. I have made them a hard limit with play partners. I've never established it as a hard limit within a relationship, but I've always been pretty clear about my distaste for them.

I might, at some point, become comfortable enough with someone to try them during play, but I'd probably have to be tied down first.

It annoys me that so many things have been tainted by those first experiences. I carry a lot of issues from that first relationship to this day, and I really wish I didn't, but I'm not sure how to discard it.

But, anyway, that's the story behind my hatred of canes.

1 comment:

  1. I am so... upset on your behalf. Angry at that dom, and sad that what could be great experiences are now tainted with incompetence and assholery.

    I hope with time you'll find the right person and can try again.