Thursday, January 14, 2016

A Handful of Kisses

My experiences with kissing are fairly similar to my experiences with sex; minimal and largely disappointing. But, of course, much like with sex, I was never very traditional with kissing. There was no high school sweetheart. No first kiss in the back of some teenager's car. My first kiss was with a married woman I'd met on FetLife when I went to spend the weekend with her and her husband.

I am extremely conflicted about this.

I can almost count the number of people I've kissed on one hand. If I count the couple as one, I can manage on one hand. More accurately, I've kissed six people in total, consisting of two women and four men. Alas, I only found the act arousing with one of those people. I think I once found this unusual, but now that I think about it, the reasoning is fairly obvious.

We can knock out the women right here. They were technically very skilled, but as we all know from my previous posts, I am Hetero Girl, so the lack of chemistry there was simply an issue of incompatible sexuality, although I didn't know it at the time. I might also have once blamed it on my newly discovered demisexuality, but I have had emotional connections with multiple people on the list.

Well, let me give you the list in chronological order.

Mr. and Mrs. Professor
Drake
Kitty
Sir Ninnyhammer (he will hate me if he ever reads this, hehe)
Lizard Guy

Among these, the only one I was ever in a romantic relationship was Drake, my ex dom, which was the only person I've ever truly enjoyed kissing. Mr. Professor was nice, but we were mostly strangers then. I've known Sir Ninnyhammer since we were children, and I was even interested in him in our younger years, but kissing him for real was always just this side of awkward. Perhaps the relationship element is what made it for me, but something I've also noticed is that the other three men were poly and had primary relationships at the time. While I play with poly people, I've never truly been comfortable going to intimate places with them, and kissing seems more intimate than a lot of things.

I can't really speak much for skill. I don't really have a frame of reference. However, I can recognize when someone is completely terrible. That, of course, would be Lizard Guy, who is, unfortunately the last person I've ever kissed. This guy would literally not stop moving his tongue. I don't know if it was the wagging tongue, the taste of cigarette smoke in his beard, or the fact that he was in a poly relationship with one of my friends, but after being orally assaulted by this guy, I promptly went home and threw up.

I never had that kind of visceral reaction to the others. I didn't have much reaction at all. My heart wasn't in it, and their hearts weren't mine. I do believe have the ability to get wrapped up in a man, to find the act of kissing arousing. I've just rarely had the opportunity.

This lack of experience has perhaps made kissing less of a part of my sexuality. I rarely think of including it in my erotica or romantic stories. No part of my romantic or sexual history fits what one my categorize as normal, and that has inevitably skewed my perspective on all of it.

I hope one day I get to experience what kissing is supposed to be, what all the stories and movies and songs make it out to be. Heh, making out.


3 comments:

  1. Truthfully, kissing is not on my top 10 list of sex acts either. I enjoy with my Master, but not really anyone else. And I've kissed a lot of people. I don't think it is a matter of skill as much as deep connection.

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    1. It's not something I find terribly interesting intellectually, but I feel I need to put it in the more romance style work I do because romantically involved people are supposed to kiss, right?

      I imagine once I am actually in an in person relationship again, it will be a larger part of my romantic activities, but mostly, right now, I'm like...oh yeah, kissing is a thing.

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  2. I feel the same way too, I need to connect before kissing anyone, it's the connection that makes it so much better!

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