Tuesday, October 6, 2015

It's Me Again, Margaret.

I don't have much experience with men hitting on me, especially vanilla men. I never know how to respond to that kind of thing. I have an easy out. I can just say I'm taken. That fact alone allows me to say no politely rather than going "Yeah, never in a fuckin' million years, broseph." Most of the attention I get is from randos on the interwebz (FetLife) who haven't read my profile.

However, last week I got hit on...by one of my coworkers. I was a bit blindsided. The man works on another shift. We see each other for 2-5 minutes at shift change on days we both work. I have to consciously remember to return his greeting for fear of being rude, because half the time I'm not paying attention. So...I'm not really sure how this man who is a good 18 years older than me at least developed this really odd crush.

He send me a friend request on the book of faces. I ignored it, because I'm a bit squeamish about adding coworkers on Facebook. It limits how I can express myself. I'm friends with my supervisor, but she and I actually, you know, speak to each other on a regular basis. I did not see the message attached to the friend request because it got stuffed in the "other" folder they don't show you.

I mention it to the others on my shift the next day, but mostly think nothing of it. That afternoon, a couple hours after I left for the day, I got a text message from this man telling me that he got my number out of the company emergency directory and that he had sent me that friend request and "posted something nice."

Now moderately creeped out and a wee bit pissed that he used my personal information without consent, I went to my messages to find "Sexy Girl!" staring back at me.

This man is in his 40s. Surely he knows this is not how you approach a woman.

I was a bit at a loss. I don't get hit on. I don't know how to reject people. Should I even respond at all? Should I tell my boss? My play partners were insistent I report him. Daddy said I should tell him to back off and then report if he persisted.

I settled on the middle ground. I responded to the Facebook message, not wanting to encourage him to continue using my number that I had never given him in the first place.

"I'm flattered, but I'm in a relationship and have been for 2.5 years." 
Polite but clear, yes? I thought so. I ended up showing my boss the text message, simply because she happened to come into the room and sit down. Disappointingly, she seemed to imply that I should be flattered by the comment and that it was a compliment and "you don't get a lot of guys saying that very often." Knowing that the issue would go nowhere at the moment, I just figured I'd let it go unless he got creepier.

He did.

"Is this the guy that lives out East or...?"
I'm sorry, how the fuck do you even know that? I've never told you I had a boyfriend before this conversation, let alone told you where he lives. Who told you this, and did you know this before you messaged me?

That's it, just yes. Not inviting more conversation. Just a confirmation, deliberately absent further information to discourage further questioning.

That failed.

"Have you actually met this guy face to face or just online?"
I'm sorry, but what business is this of yours? Also, why are you asking? What do you hope to accomplish with this line of questioning? Because it's certainly not going to land you in my pants.

"I'm not sure why that matters."
Because it's none of your fucking business. I'm not available.

"Because there's a difference [my name spelled incorrectly]. I [sic] guessing it's just skyping. So when is this lucky guy coming down to claim his woman?"
What the ever-loving fuck? First of all, you asshole, I have never Skyped. Phones exist. And do you think that by questioning the validity of my relationship that I'm going to abandon a man I've known for 8 years and been in a relationship for 2 and a half for a 40-something year old alcoholic working the same barely more than minimum wage job I am who stalks me and can't approach a woman like a civilized human being? Also, pray tell, how would a relationship with you be any different than my LDR? You work an opposing shift and we have different days off. We would literally never see each other except for those 2 minutes a day when I'm high-tailing it out of that office.

"None of this is really any of your business." 
Again, because it's not. I want to say so much more because you have pissed me off, but I'm opting for the Spartan response in hopes that you'll leave me the fuck alone without having to use copious amounts of "fucks" or making you feel bad unnecessarily because you are not remotely close to my physical type or anywhere near my age range. Not to mention the fact that you are so not a dominant, but you really don't need to know that I'm kinky.

"It's not. Your [sic] right. But for a guy that might really like you, I had to find out. I'll mac no further. Let's not let this affect what little working relationship we have. Good luck with your 1000 mile relationship. If you ever change your mind and I'm not busy, let me know. If you think I'm worthy."
First of all, I'm not sure how you might really like me. You don't even know me aside from weird pieces of information I didn't tell you. You should have stopped "macking" when I told you no the FIRST TIME. Way to be a passive aggressive dickwaffle though. Trust me, I was never going to change my mind anyway, because I'd never have dated you if I had been single, but after this epic display of what the fuckery, I'm amazed you even bothered to make that last comment.

I came into this post intending to talk about how people always question the validity of the LDR. I see the scoffing online about "online only relationships."  Aside from the occasional skepticism of my parents, I've never encountered that in person. My friends do not question the validity of my relationship with the man I talk to every day, even if it's at a distance. Or, if they do, they don't say it to my face.

If any of this sounds snobby, I can't say much beyond the fact that I exclusively date dominant men, and I expect more out of a dominant man than I might other men. Or perhaps I just expect more out of men than inappropriate first messages and moderate stalking behavior. This is my first job. It sucks. The pay sucks. But at least I have insurance. I never expected this to happen at work. Maybe I should have, but I don't consider myself a target of male attention. It's a new experience for me. And, frankly, this has made me more uncomfortable in a job that already makes me uncomfortable.

However, I hope you, at least, found it amusing if you managed to make it to the end.

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