Friday, August 14, 2015

Light That Fire: Motivational Tools for S-types

I often find it difficult to find motivation to do certain things. These can be things I want to do, or things I don't want to do, but somehow I always find myself not doing them. My compulsions take top priority, the things my brain feels need to be done in order to keep the anxiety in check. There are things that just have to be done because bad shit happens otherwise. I think I would accomplish more if my power exchange were in person, as I would have the constant accountability to keep me going. And I just like to please him.

But, there are things that can be done to generate that motivation to achieve goals and complete desired tasks.

Setting Goals


First you have to set a goal, or, preferably, a series of goals. I think it's best to set goals in increments.  Find a realistic goal that you know is achievable. Once that goal is accomplished, you can set a new goal that takes you further. A series of small goals is a lot less daunting than a towering one that you may feel you can never achieve.

We'll use the example of weight loss, since that is something I'm attempting right now. I have set myself a goal of 35lbs (~16kg). Now, I may end up shooting for more, but 35 is a realistic goal for me. Something big enough that I feel accomplished, but small enough that I don't feel like it's impossible.


Or, in a more short term capacity, perhaps you want to deep clean the whole house. Instead of looking at the whole job, you can break it down to a room a day or a room every few days, depending on your schedule. One room is a lot easier to swallow than a house.

Track Your Progress


Find a way to track your progress in pursuing the goals you have laid out. Recording your efforts can have a number of benefits. Having to log it keeps you mindful of what you are actually doing. The responsibility of recording itself ensures that you are aware of what progress you are or are not making, and once you are in the habit of it, you may feel bad if you don't record. Tangible proof of progress can lift your spirits and motivate you to keep going.

This recording can take many forms. Continuing with the weight loss idea, I use myfitnesspal.com to keep a food and exercise diary. It does all the math for you, so all you have to do is input the information. It gives me a goal to work toward and allows me to keep track of my progress and be aware of what I'm eating and what kind of activity I do throughout the day.

There are also your basic to do lists, which you can tick off an item as you complete them. More checkmarks puts you closer to your goal. It's like points in a video game. More points equals closer to victory!

I also like to use charts. I'm very visually oriented, so charts make my brain happy. All the information is neatly organized in an aesthetically pleasing way. Prior to using MyFitnessPal, I was drawing my own weekly charts. I have also used the 90-Day Belly Dance Challenge chart to keep track of dance training. I've been rather lax on that one though, since I've been recording on MFP.

There's also the option of a diary/journal. Some d-types require the keeping of a submissive journal. Goals and progress are always good material for those.


Set Up a Reward System


Something is always a bit easier if you get something out of it. My suggestion is to bribe the fuck out of yourself.

On a diet? Have a cheat day. Allow yourself one day out of the week to indulge yourself. It will reinforce the good habits you're developing the other days of the week and keep you from feeling like you can never eat the fun stuff again.

Something I do when I do dishes, is I do a round, throw a new batch in the sink to soak and wander off for 5 or 10 minutes to watch TV or surf the net. I then repeat the process until I'm done. I haaaate dishes, but this makes the chore far more palatable to me. If my mother would adopt this method, she'd probably sound less angry in the kitchen. She likes to wash dishes without soaking and then bitches about the fact that the food won't come off.

Coming back to games, because I'm a gamer, it's the same concept. Get an achievement? Get a reward. Complete a task? Spend a little time watching a favorite show, reading a book, or playing a video game.  Or whatever you enjoy doing. Hell, reward yourself with sexy time. Sexy times are very motivating.

Find Accountability/Support


One thing that is important in achieving any goal is the support of those around you. If people are always working against you, it can be impossible to manage anything, unless you just thrive on confrontation. Get support from partners, friends, or family with your goals.


MyFitnessPal has a wonderful feature of being able to add friends, who can then like and comment on your activity and offer support for your fitness goals. I recently posted it in my local community forum and now there are several of them on the site right a long with me.

Find supportive forums where you can talk about what you're doing and get help with any difficulties you might experience while working on your goals.

Join a support group, if that's relevant to your goal. More support is more motivation. Peer pressure has its uses.

And, of course, there's always the option of making an arrangement with your d-type to hold you accountable for your work. That is, if it's not already a rule that has been set up. You can always request that a new rule be made to help you along. I have tried this before, but due to life stresses, it has not worked for me right now. Once things calm down, I'm sure I'd find more use in this method, as I really enjoy the control aspect.

Service and submission can be difficult at times. Just doing things you want to do can be difficult at times, but, if you really want to do something, there are always things to help you along. Just like with kinks and power exchange, there are a thousand roads to travel and a thousand different ways to light a fire under your ass. These are just some things that I have recently found to work for me, and I figured they might just work for you too.

How do you get motivated?



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