Saturday, August 8, 2015

525,600 Minutes


It has been a tumultuous week for me. After a rather devastating text message, 8 unanswered phone calls, 5 voice mails ranging from angry to anguished, I considered myself single for roughly 36 hours. In that time, I already began planning for life without him. I started negotiations to move out with a couple friends. I began picking up the pieces the way I always do, by throwing myself into the net of my local community, and brainstorming how to find someone new.

His silence lasted for a day and a half. Then he was there again, more words on a screen. I listened. I gave my terms for continuing on. He agreed. So we try again.

He has a year, the year I will spend in a lease with my friends, to sort out the shit that led to breaking my heart. He has a year to repair the trust he broke with those few brief sentences and those 36 hours of silence.

We are not what we once were. A lot can change in 36 hours.

Two days ago I removed the chain that symbolized his ownership, the chain I wore 24/7 for more than two years. It's staying off for now. He has to earn that back. He has to earn a lot of things back.

Identifying with M/s as I do, I feel strange making demands of him, but I'm tired of being the one who gives my all in a relationship to feel like an afterthought. It's time for me to stop scrambling for his approval and time for him to prove himself to me.

And so it begins.


Sinful Sunday

14 comments:

  1. Good for you. No matter what the dynamic is, if it is not working for in a positive way then it is vital that you communicate that. I think you have done absolutely the right thing

    Mollyxxx

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  2. Sorry to hear this. FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing.

    Heartbreaking photo. I wish you well.

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  3. So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time, but you have done the right thing. Communication is key in this, and even if it's a M/s dynamic, when it's unbalanced it's not good. Be strong, stand your ground. I wish you strength.

    Rebel xox

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  4. So sorry to hear of your struggle but good for you for standing up for yourself here! Submissive women are not doormats!

    ~Kazi xxx

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  5. I admire your strength! Stand tall and do not settle for less than you deserve EVER!!!

    My fav photo this week by the way - a picture says a thousand words, indeed! xoxox

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  6. Good for you. I really do hope that it works out and he earns back your trust.

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  7. I love feet and yours are adorable. Sorry to hear about your rough patch right now. This image is very powerful in representing what was and what now is.

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  8. You deserve to be treated well. Lean on your friends (real and virtual) and be kind to yourself. xx

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  9. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this but no matter what your dynamic is you need to communicate. I really hope things improve for you.

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  10. I hope your year helps you find your way back to each other, and that the trust can be rebuilt.
    Regardless of the dynamics, a collar is both earnt by the submissive, and the right to place the collar on the submissive is earnt by the Dom/Master.

    xx

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  11. What a heart-wrenching tale. Just because you're s does not mean your heart and your needs aren't S. This brought a tear to my eye. I'm rooting for you.

    And this image... wow.

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  12. Sorry to hear about your relationship. I hope that everything works out for you both. Your photo is perfect for your writing.

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  13. This image is amazingly powerful. It really tells your story. I'm sorry you've been going through this, but I have to say, I admire your strength in setting terms and standing up for yourself. You're definitely an inspiration for how to handle a difficult situation like this. Thanks for sharing this with us.

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