Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Ultimate Punishment

Every now and then the question comes along, particularly in Master/slave forums, about what is the best/worst punishment. Worst being the most awful you've experienced and best being the most effective. You tend to get a hodgepodge of answers, ranging from the bizarre to the boring, the fluffy to the horrific. But, by far, the most popular seems to always be:

"When he says he's disappointed in me."

Now, maybe I'm weird, but that statement in and of itself is not a punishment to me. It's a statement of fact. It doesn't end the issue. Nothing is happening. In fact, I'd say it probably prolongs negative feelings rather than eases them. I have to beat back my jaded little brain squirrel muttering about how the statement often smacks of speshulness. I'm so slavey that just the mere thought of his displeasure is punishment enough.

Yeah...well, I'm not that slaverly. I feel bitchy for thinking that when I hear it, but I mean, stating a fact is not a punishment. At least, not in my mind.

As a physical creature, for something to count as a punishment in my mind, I typically need something tangible, some kind of consequence. A manifestation of displeasure rather than the simple verbal expression of it. Whether it be a physical punishment or a removal of privileges. It just has to be something that provides penance and catharsis, that signifies forgiveness and the end of an issue.

I can't say that I'd respect Daddy if all he did was say he was disappointed in me. Yes, I live in abject fear of him being upset with me, but I expect him to enforce his rules with more than just words. I love words, but for some situations I find them woefully inadequate. Physical enforcement is just one of those things that is an integral element to M/s for me. Without it, it just wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be slavery to me.

This is motivated in no small part by my rather prevalent discipline fetish. It was my first kink and remains my primary kink. My earliest fantasies were always some sort of S&M, but couched within the context of punishment. I remember seeking out historical novels in school because they were more likely to contain punishment spanking scenes. When I discovered historical romance, my favorites were always those where the heroine was spanked by the hero for some misdeed. Despite never really being disciplined as a child, I have been forever drawn to a discipline relationship.

Naturally, now, my favorite type of erotica is domestic discipline romance, a new discovery, since I didn't know it was a thing before. Despite my inclinations, I'm woefully ignorant of most kinds of erotica, having stuck mostly with historical and paranormal romance throughout most of my life.  DD romance can be a bit preachy depending on the author, but I'm a spanko, so I can overlook some things.

My go-to punishment of choice would probably be some type of spanking. It's just kind the iconic form of punishment. Nothing else really speaks to me in the same way.

But, while my relationships have all had punishment dynamics, none of them have been or are strictly domestic discipline, so spanking is not really the main punishment.

Well, I guess.

Daddy claims to use a variety of types of punishment. It's basically whatever strikes his fancy at the time, and can depend on the infraction. This is not an aspect of our relationship that we have really been able to explore. Distance makes things difficult and I have not yet fucked up all that much, but I know that spanking is not the only tool in the toolbox.

My ex defaulted to beating. I suppose you could technically call it spanking, but he went a bit too far, so I hesitate to call it that. The two that I remember before he lost interest in paying much attention to me were simply awful. Twenty lashes with spike studded belt for a casual joke I made in text. 36 strokes with a braided plastic cane followed by dry anal for breaking some rule, probably masturbating without permission. I don't rightly remember. He ended up giving me two new limits in his ineptitude. I won't let anyone near me with a studded belt, and because of him, I won't allow play partners to use canes on me.

Much to Peach's profound disappointment, I assure you.

I don't yet know what is the most effective punishment for me. I haven't experienced enough of it to have discovered that. If I had to guess, something corporal would probably flip all the right switches in my brain.

I have experienced the worst. At least, the worst of what I experienced, and that was in my very first relationship ever.

What I can say is that "I'm disappointed in you" is not remotely it. Because my response is going to inevitably be "Okay, now what are you going to do about it?"

For me, disappointment is the problem. The correction is what comes next.


  1. I feel I need punishment to move on, for the resolution. My Master feels that whatever he does will be what I accept and if I have to move myself on without any punishment then I do that. I went through a period a few weeks ago of desperately craving punishment. Not play, not just hurting, but actually being punished for things that I felt I wasn't doing well enough. He said no. I tell you that was hard to hear. He said he wasn't going to punish me just because I wanted it. He thought I was doing fine and saw no reasons for a severe punishment. "Get over yourself" he has said to me on more than one occasion. That is hard to hear too, and my mind is going but, but, but... The thing is, he may like beating me, but punishment is not a kink for him. So sometimes his punishments are purposely less harsh than his "fun beatings". That was also hard for me. Now he's changed his incentive system and for most things he doesn't do any spanking punishment at all. I tell you I don't like this, because I kind of feel like you do about the punishments, that it is a good thing for me, but he didn't like the cravings I had for it. That meant something had gone wrong. So he switched to something not painful which I hate, but can in no way crave. I'm one of those "disappointment is the worst" people, I suppose, but I don't say it to be super slavey. I say it because my Master doesn't like very severe punishments, so the the disappointment IS the worst. Does that make any sense? The punishment helps me get myself over it.

    1. I know that must people don't say it to sound super slavey and I feel bad that that's what goes through my head when I see it. Maybe its one of those trigger phrases for me like "we don't do punishment, we're adults."

      Daddy is of the mind that a punishment should entertain him in some way, so he's not likely to pick something that I would find too horrendous like writing lines, because that would bore him.

      I think sometimes that I'm more M/s oriented than he is, but I think we're fairly compatible as far as punishment is, concerned, even if he confuses the fuck out of me sometimes.