Sunday, June 14, 2015

Faceless

I had someone relatively recently ask me if I thought I might be demisexual. She had read something, perhaps in my FetLife profile, or something else I posted where I mentioned being what I call monosexual. I can only be sexually attracted to one person at a time. I was only vaguely aware of the term demisexual at the time. I didn't know what it meant. After a quick skim of a wikipedia article, I rejected the idea that I might be demisexual because I'd been sexually attracted to people before I had an emotional connection before.

Hadn't I?

I've been with one man physically, my ex. It was a pretty fast connection, but I suppose there technically was one. The only play partner I've had that I've been completely comfortable with, enough to do more sexual type play, but not sex, is a man I've known for 20 years.

Do the math in your head if you have a vague idea of how old I am. 

But...I've been sexually attracted to strangers before...right?

Then it dawns on me that every masturbatory fantasy I have ever had has been populated with faceless aggressors perpetrating some kinky act against me. I have to put effort into fantasizing about actual people. When real life people worm their way into my fantasies, the complete bizarreness of my fantasizes dims down to something a bit more tame.

I have fantasized about:

  • Being fucked by a ghost I can't see.
  • Being tied up and raped by some demon king guy, who when he leaves for the day, imprisons you in a room made of mirrors. In the mirrors are more demons who can do things to you, but you can only see them through their reflections in the mirror. Your body moves and responds to them, but you can't actually see their physical bodies in front of you.
  • A sex slave training harem type thing where the newest girls are subject to the whims the senior girls, and the guards, and...well, anyone. (This one is a favorite and is far more elaborate than what I've described here, including several different iterations and sections.)
  • Another weird-ass demon one based on a creature described in a scene from Terry Goodkind's Stone of Tears that we won't really go into the details of...let's just say a barbed penis is involved.


And before they involved sex:

  • Being tied up upside down and beaten severely with different objects.
  • A prison type thing, vaguely inspired by the prison from the live action Mario Bros. movie, with like robot arms things that molest you and stuff.
  • Similar to the one above but with one of those conveyor belt type things from the old cartoons where various fetishy type things happened.


Besides involving a lot of force, and things I'd never actually want to do in real life, the thing every single one of those fantasies had in common was the fact that the other person or people were completely and utterly faceless. Unknown strangers with no real characteristics.

I assumed when I read the topic for this week's Kink of the Week that it would be another one I would skip, since I have no interest in anonymous sex. Fucking a stranger in the flesh does nothing for me, but, in a way, I suppose I've had more anonymous sex than any other kind of sexual activity.

I'm less enthralled by fantasizing about real people. The only real people I can fantasize about are those I'm in some sort of relationship with. It's easier to get into if I'm writing it, but when simply fapping? I'd rather have the weird-ass fantasies full of strangers.

So, maybe I am demisexual. Maybe I can only manage true sexual attraction to one person with whom I share an emotional connection. But, in my dreams? They're all anonymous.


3 comments:

  1. I am soooo glad you wrote this. I think it is a really interesting how your masturbatory fantasies are very much themed one way but your attraction to people in real life is very much focused on knowing that person. I think the human mind and the complexity of human sexuality if sooo very interesting

    Mollyxxx

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    Replies
    1. I was just excited that I thought of something that would fit the topic. And I'm super excited about the latest topic. Appropriate, since it's in my name. Hehe

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  2. My fantasies rarely involve any faces, other than my partner. All the other participants are faceless or at least I never see their faces. I guess they don't really matter in a fantasy world.

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