Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Wicked Wednesday: Blind Faith

People talk a lot about trust, particularly within the BDSM lifestyle. They often like to imply that BDSM relationships require a great deal more trust than vanilla relationships. That's not true, but there are those who like to think so.  One kind of relationship that I do think requires more trust than most is the long distance relationship. Not because it's deeper or more profound, or anything silly like that, but because in an LDR, particularly one where you don't get to see each other at all or only very rarely, all you really have to go on is trust.

Source


I have not yet been in a relationship where I have lived with my d-type. My first dom was my first relationship. We lived close enough to see each other regularly, but I was in college during the entirety of our relationship, so much of our communication was at a distance, with the exception of seeing each other on the weekends until he stopped even giving me that. I likely placed too much trust in him, accepting every excuse he offered. Although, perhaps that wasn't so much trust as not wanting to admit that the relationship was broken. I wanted to believe he was as invested as I was even though the evidence pointed elsewhere.

I had a brief spell of even greater stupidity between my first dom and Daddy, when I allowed a guy (I won't call him a man) to trick me into thinking he wanted a relationship, despite never managing to meet me and feeding me so much bullshit, it's a wonder I believed any of it. I learned from that that I'm far too trusting and a little too optimistic at times. I don't really like to talk about that one. I feel like a moron enough when I remember other less ridiculous things.





I have managed to maintain this relationship with Daddy for nearly two years now, at a distance. Perhaps it is easier because we knew each other for years before we started a relationship, or because he gives me more attention than the one meat-space partner I had. But still, the distance requires immense trust that would be unnecessary in a live-in relationship (which is the ultimate goal here).

Basically, I have to take it on blind faith that everything he says to me is true. I have to trust that he is who he says he is, that he has done what he says he's done. I have to believe that he does intend to visit, despite my dad's skepticism (which he, mercifully, has never expressed to me because he has tact, but my mother felt the need to tell me anyway). I have to trust that when he talks about how certain things will be when I am living there, that he fully intends for my relocation to happen, even though there have been so many setbacks due to injury and work issues. I also have to trust that as a self-proclaimed manwhore (or former manwhore) that he's not running around fucking every woman who asks.



And, as an owner, he has to trust me a great deal. He has to trust that I am abiding by his rules even if he has little evidence beyond my word that I am doing so.

>.>
<.<

I'm still working on that "no calling myself fat" rule...

He has to trust that I perform the few tasks he asks me to do. He might get a picture, if it's possible to take one of it, but that's about it. He has to trust that I will tell him when I fail.

Being in a long distance relationship is emotionally exhausting and infinitely frustrating, especially in the sex and kink department, but, boy howdy, we got that trust thing down pat.



Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

10 comments:

  1. I agree, trust is an element that should be in every relationship, but I can see how trust is even more important in a LDR. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

    Rebel xox

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    1. I normally like to write sexy stuff for Wicked Wednesday, but when I saw the prompt, this just popped into my head.

      And it's funny, because I used to be so against being in an LDR, but, shit, I was half in love with him long before he was available.

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  2. We started off in an LDR... (UK/USA) and did that for 18 months. I totally agree about trust being essential and I think building that has helped us to be even stronger now that we are together everyday

    mollyxxx

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    1. Yeah, I like to think that because we have started this way, that we might have a better foundation for a long term relationship than we might have had otherwise because of all the verbal communication involved in LDRs.

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  3. LDRs hurt, but can be worth it
    Good luck to you

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  4. We started off LDR - like Molly, 18 months later we were together (though we were, at least in the same state). I've done vanilla and now I'm D/s. The same amount of trust SHOULD be required in vanilla, but it's a rare thing. A lot of trust IS required in D/s, especially when you play hard or purposefully push boundaries.

    That being said, I agree with you that LDR is much more difficult and it only works well when there is absolute trust by all parties.

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    1. I don't think it's necessarily more trust, but a different kind of trust, or different kinds of trust between partners, as the parameters are different. But there can be profound trust in vanilla and none in D/s.

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  5. Long distance relationships come part and parcel with the military lifestyle, and many fail because of the the lack of trust. You're right: there's an awful lot of trust and even second guessing (maybe even self) in long distance.

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    1. Despite my love of the warrior type, I know I don't have the constitution for a military partner. I never thought I'd be cool with a long distance thing to start with. I couldn't imagine getting into something where long distance was an expected intermittent occurrence.

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