Sunday, March 30, 2014

Mine: Jealousy as an Expression of Love

I think there a lot of misconceptions about jealousy. It is typically painted always as a negative emotion. I think part of this is because jealousy is often confused with envy as a term.

There are several definitions for jealousy, and they all present a different concept of the emotion.

  • Jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

This is the definition that I equate with envy and is not really what I’m discussing here.

  • Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

This is the one that people often speak about when they talk about jealousy and its negative aspect. They write it off as a result of insecurity or fear, and try to show the superiority of either monogamous or poly relationships through its supposed presence or absence in that dynamic.

  • Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

This is the definition I think of when I think of the positive aspects of jealousy

Jealousy for me is not always a bad thing. It’s a deeply rooted emotion in everyone I think. The need to protect and guard what’s ours, a sense of possessiveness of the things we own. I think it’s more pronounced with people, because people are harder to protect than things.

Possessiveness is a large part of this lifestyle. If it weren’t, concepts like ownership wouldn’t be so popular. I adore possessive men. There’s something satisfying about that deep, primal expression of “Mine.” It’s one of my favorite games to play with Daddy. I’ll claim some body part is mine, and he’ll respond with “My Rabbit.” It pushes all my happy buttons and feeds that inner need to be possessed.


Daddy has a rule about me not playing with men. He’s also always very stringent about people not touching his pets without permission, or at all. Now, this is not because he fears me being stolen away or that I’ll leave him. It’s the simple emotion of “this is mine and no one should touch it, because mine and I don’t share.” Sort of like marking one’s territory. I love that he would get violent on my behalf. He feels it is his place to defend me if he is present, even though I could stand up for myself. He has expressed in the past that if the situation were to come up, he would want me to let him come to my defense rather than defend myself. I found that extremely sexy.

I find jealousy of this kind to be an expression of love and pride, wanting to be the only one to possess a person or a thing. Maybe it’s a primal thing, although, there are primals into sharing, but I feel this love of possessiveness and need to be possessed is part of my primal identity. I want to be jealously guarded like a precious treasure.


I see nothing negative in this type of jealousy. It makes me feel loved and valued. After all, you want to protect the things you care about the most. It’s one of those wordless expressions of love that nestles in the back of your brain and gives you all those warm fuzzies. 

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